I've been continually reminded of the study of Abraham we did at the Kanakuk Institute my first semester there. I've always admired Abraham's faith in that when God told him to leave his home, he did, no questions asked. If God asks me to do the tiniest thing, I have a million questions that I want answered before I am willing to do what He asked of me. One day during our study though, Karen Chancey made the comment that she wasn't sure had Abraham known everything that He was going to go through that he would have gone so willingly. And I look back on my life and that's me. As much as I love having a plan and knowing what's going to happen, had I known that at the age of 25 I would be single, living in Branson, and 4 years removed from college and still not really knowing what I wanted to do with my life, I'm not sure I would have followed some of the things God asked me to do. I can look back on my life though and see how God has used each of those moments to grow me and for that I am thankful.
So here I am, once again, questioning the Lord if He really wants me to leave this place I now call home and move back to a place where I have minimal community and pursue a job that seems so far fetched. I'll be honest, at first the journey was really exciting. I could see the way the Lord was working and the doors He was opening, but the minute I hit a bump in the road just over a week ago, I started questioning whether or not this really was what He wanted from me. Then God worked it that Pastor Sam preached on Sunday and I knew the Lord was speaking to me through Pastor Sam. He preached on the calling of the disciples and how in the Matthew account, the disciples go without question immediately when Jesus calls them and that's how some of us are. God has given some of us the gift of faith that we immediately go when called and praise the Lord for those people. I'm not one of them though, which is where the Luke account comes in. In Luke, the account goes into more detail and the disciples first hear the truth that Jesus spoke, then they were obedient when Jesus told them to cast their nets even though it didn't make sense, then they saw the immediate blessing, and then when Jesus told them to follow Him, they left their boats and nets and even the blessing of fish that Jesus had just given them and went and followed Him. Sometimes the Lord asks us to do things that don't make sense, but He always blesses our obedience, even if we don't always see it at first. So that's where I am right now, trying to be obedient to what the Lord has asked me to do, even it doesn't make sense to me at the moment. But praise God that even when I waiver in my faith and even when I believe the lies of the devil over His truth, He is still God and He is still on the throne, loving me and working all things for my good (Rom. 8:28).
Another little known fact about me is that God tends to speak to me through songs, which is funny because I have no musical abilities whatsoever. So I'll leave you with a couple of songs. This is the one that describes my feelings at the moment:
And these are the ones that I've been clinging to as my prayers during this time:
