Fighting the Lies

Have you ever heard or repeated a phrase so often, you just assume that you believe it?  Or maybe you repeat it because you so desperately want it to be true but aren’t really sure that it is?  This past fall/winter I had one of those moments.  Something that I and others in the church have thrown around so nonchalantly, hit me like a ton of bricks.  “God is good.”  I was working through a Bible study and this particular day it was talking about God’s goodness.  And then it hit me.  I have zero doubts that God is good, I see it in the lives of those around me all the time.  I do doubt though, that God is good to me.  Honestly, it’s something I’ve been struggling through with God since He revealed to me that I believed that lie. 

Why do I doubt His goodness towards me?  I can sit here and name good things that God has done for me, but in this recent season it’s a lot harder for me to pinpoint.  And if we’re being real, I think it’s a mixture of unmet expectations in my own life and seeing good things happen to those around me.  I hate to admit it, but every time a friend gets married or has a baby or has an exciting new job opportunity, etc. while I rejoice with them and I am genuinely so happy for them, there’s a part of me that asks God, “When is it going to happen for me?” 

It’s so easy for us to compare our lives to other people’s, especially with social media these days.  Here’s the thing about God though, I know He’s good, because He doesn’t leave me to believe the lies.  I’m finishing up “The Quest” by Beth Moore, and on one of the last days, she had us look at John 21.  A little back story, after Jesus was resurrected, He met His disciples on the shore after they had spent the night fishing to no avail, Jesus tells them to put their net on the right side of the boat and they end up catching a ton.  Jesus then has breakfast waiting for them when they get to shore and He asks Peter three times if Peter loves Him and when Peter says yes, Jesus tells him to tend to His sheep.  That’s normally where my learning of the story stops, but if you keep going verses 19-22 say, “…And when He had spoken this, He said to him (Peter), ‘Follow Me!’  Peter, turning around, saw the disciple whom Jesus loved following them… So Peter seeing him said to Jesus, ‘Lord, and what about this man?’  Jesus said to him, ‘If I want him to remain until I come, what is that to you?  You follow Me!’”  And isn’t that just like us, God gives us a command and we turn around and ask, “But what about that guy?”  I love Jesus’ response though; I feel like He’s basically saying, “Who cares?  Just do what I tell you!”

 

So after reading this, Beth had us add our own “what about” and “why” questions.  And let me tell you, I could have gone on for awhile, but as I was writing my second one, I heard God speak to me.  Now I’m not someone who hears God speak to me very often; I can probably count on one hand the number of times it’s happened, but speak to me He did.  I was in the middle of writing my second “Why?” to God and He said, “Just because I’m good to someone else, doesn’t mean that I’m not good to you.”  Whoa.  Ok, God, I get it.  I stopped writing all the other questions I had, because that was all the answer I needed. 

All that being said, how do we combat believing that God is good to others but not good to us?  Cue the part where God gives me a song that speaks straight to my soul.  This particular time it was Rend Collective’s “Counting Every Blessing”.  If you haven’t heard their new album, I highly suggest you give it a listen.  Anyway, the chorus goes, “I am counting every blessing, counting every blessing.  Letting go and trusting when I cannot see.  I am counting every blessing, counting every blessing.  Surely every season You are good to me.”  I don’t deserve anything from God, yet He bestows grace and mercy on me every single day.  Even if He had done nothing other than send His Son, Jesus, to die for our sins and be raised to new life; that would have been enough.  I can’t promise you that God will give you everything that you want, but I can promise you that He will give you everything that you need (hint: He’s all you need) and that His ways are better than our own (Isaiah 55:8-9).  The Lord has been so sweet to me that in this season of questioning, He continues to reveal Himself to me and draw me to Himself.  He’s told me “no” a lot in this past year, but He’s also pursued my heart in ways that I’ve never experienced before and I wouldn’t trade that for the world.

I’ll leave you with a mantra of sorts from Lysa TerKeurst:  “God is good.  God is good to me.  God is good at being God.”

Brokenness Aside

Today at church we sang the song "Brokenness Aside" by All Sons and Daughters.  I've heard and sung this song a lot of times and I really like it, but today God whacked me over my head with it.  I was standing there singing and all of the sudden I just started crying.  The first half of the chorus says "Cause I am a sinner, If it's not one thing it's another, Caught up in words, Tangled in lies," and it just hit me that that's me.  I'm a sinner, flat out, and right now it just really seems like if it's not one thing, then it's another.  If it's not me struggling with getting caught up in the gossip and drama at work then it's me questioning the Lord's goodness in my life, or if it's not that, then it's me letting my anger take control, or if it's not that it's one of a million other things because trust me, I could keep going.  And as I stood there crying and frustrated by my sin, I was reminded of the verse in Romans 7 where Paul talks about how he doesn't do the good he wants to do but does the very evil that he doesn't want.  Y'all, there's a very real war going on inside of Christians.  I strive daily to follow God's commands and teachings, not because that's what I have to do to stay in His good graces but because I love Him and I want to honor Him and glorify Him.  But even in the midst of my striving to be like Christ, I get caught up in the world and my sinful nature.  (Side note: As I am typing this I realize I burned what I was cooking because I forgot to set a timer and my anger and frustration flares up and I'm reminded just how far I am from being like Christ because I got so angry over such a little thing.)  

The story doesn't stop there though... the second half of the chorus says, "You are the Savior, And you take brokenness aside, And make it beautiful, Beautiful."  Y'all, we have a savior and boy is He good.  We're walking through the book of Hebrews at church right now and one of the things we talked about today was in Hebrews 2:3, that we will not escape our just punishment if we neglect "so great a salvation".  One of the points that Bill brought up was that the magnitude of the salvation is directly related to the magnitude of the danger.  Because of our sin we stand condemned before the Lord, but those who believe in Jesus are not condemned (John 3:18).  Jesus was willing to become man in order to live a perfect life and die the death that we deserve in order that we can live in a right relationship with God.  My life verse is 2 Corinthians 5:17 which states, "Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come."  I may still struggle daily against my sin nature, but because I am in Christ, I am a new creature.  I don't have to live in my sin because I have a Savior who loves me dearly.  In spite of my sin and brokenness, God makes me a new creature and it's beautiful.    

Miracle Producing Faith

Let me start out by saying that one of the greatest blessings about living in Branson is my church.  I'm so beyond thankful that the Lord placed me at FBC Forsyth for my internship while at the Kanakuk Institute.  God is continually using the people there to encourage me and to push me towards the cross.
Y'all, God rocked me to my core this morning at church.  We're currently working our way through the book of Matthew on Sunday mornings.  This morning Pastor Juston taught on Matthew 9:18-34.  In this passage, we see Jesus perform 4 different miracles and in each of these, Jesus was responding to a request made in faith.  In verse 18 we see a synagogue official come and bow down in front of Jesus and ask Him to come and raise his daughter from the dead.  Now let's just look at that for a moment, a synagogue official, an official of the very people who were accusing Jesus of blasphemy, came and bowed down before Jesus, an act that in itself was worship to Jesus.  Whoa!  Talk about taking a stand for your faith even when it goes against how people think you should act.  If we are truly following Jesus in faith, it will cause tension in our lives.  But look at Jesus' response, He got up and began to follow the official.  Jesus responded to the faith of the official!
As Jesus was on His way to the official's house, a woman who had been suffering from a hemorrhage for 12 years, came up behind Jesus and touched the fringe of His cloak because she believed that if she only touched His garment that she would be healed.  For us today, we may think, "Okay, she was willing to touch His garment, so what?"  Well let me tell you, this was a big deal back in Jewish culture.  This woman because of her hemorrhage, had been unclean for 12 years, meaning she hadn't been able to worship corporately during that time, which for Jews meant that she hadn't been able to have a right relationship with God for that period of time because she wasn't able to have a priest make a sacrifice on her behalf.  Not only that, but since she was unclean if she touched someone, she would make them unclean also and since Jesus was considered a rabbi, to make Him unclean could have resulted in her death.  Yet, she risked her life because she had the faith that if she just touched the fringe of Jesus' cloak that she would be healed.  In verse 22, we see just that, Jesus tells the woman that her faith has made her well.  We then see Jesus continue on to the official's house where He raises his daughter from the dead.
As Jesus leaves the official's house, 2 blind men followed Him asking Him to have mercy on them.  Jesus asked them if they believed He was able to do it and they answered yes, He told them that it would be done according to their faith.  Jesus then healed them, but told them not to tell anyone, but we see in the next verse that the men went out and told people about Jesus and how He had healed them.  We see here that if God has truly touched your life, you can't help but tell others about what He's done!
The last miracle we see in this passage starts in verse 32 where a mute, demon-possessed man was brought to Jesus.  Notice that the demon-possessed man was BROUGHT to Jesus, he didn't come on his own, because no one who was demon-possessed would be able or willing to go to the demon's enemy and ask for healing.  But there was at least 1 person in that demon-possessed man's life that had faith that Jesus could heal him and Jesus was responding to that person's faith.  Jesus then cast out the demon, the mute man spoke, and the crowds were amazed.  Yet the Pharisees claimed that Jesus cast out demons by the ruler of the demons rather than the truth that Jesus has power over all.
So in all 4 of these miracles, we see Jesus responding to people's faith.  How great to know that our faith unlocks unlimited potential!  We are not called to a life of safety, but rather to a life of faith and sometimes for me, it's really hard to live a life of faith rather than safety.  I wrote in my last blog post about how I'm pursuing a job with the St. Louis Cardinals, well I've now applied for 8 different jobs with them and I found out this past week that I didn't get 4 of them.  I'm not going to lie, it was discouraging, but then I was reminded that God is in control and His plan and timing is perfect.  Is it easy?  Not really, but good thing I serve a God is greater than all and has conquered all.  If I ask in faith, the Lord will respond.  And I have prayer warriors going to battle with me asking for the Lord to respond.  Now don't get me wrong, just because we ask for something in faith, doesn't mean that God is going to necessarily give it to us.  But God does tell us that sometimes we don't receive because we don't ask (James 4:2).
God has taught me a lot about being willing to ask over the past few years.  How do we ask?  We pray.  James 5:16 tells us that the prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.  I've seen proof of this in my own life.  I've seen a dear friend and mentor have a baby and about to start her 3rd trimester with another when science thought she wouldn't be able to have anymore kids.  I've seen friends and family members get jobs.  I've seen my grandpa walk after getting his right leg amputated and told that he would never walk again.  I've seen people come to know Jesus as their Lord and Savior.  I've seen my own dad grow into the role of a spiritual leader.  I could go on and on about the things I've seen the Lord accomplish because there were righteous people willing to ask in faith that the Lord work.  And there are things I will continue to pray for, asking the Lord in faith, knowing that He will respond.  So I encourage you, if there is something that you are struggling with, ask God, believing that He will answer you.  Get others to go before God on your behalf.  And watch how God responds.

Faith Like Abraham

I've mentioned before that I hate change so this is nothing new.  I love schedules and I love plans.  Now I like to have adventures every now and then as well, but I want those adventures to fit into my schedules and plans.  I've been in Branson for 4 years now and I absolutely LOVE it.  A lot of people don't understand how I love living here, but I do!  I'm a part of a solid church, I love my job, I have awesome community, and Branson is just a funny place to live and I love all of those things.  With that being said, my prayer since moving here has always been that this would not be a place that the Lord would allow me to grow complacent (because I knew it would be easy to do).  Well, about a year ago now, the Lord started working on my heart and put a bit of a discontentment in my heart about staying in Branson.  At the same time He was reigniting in me a desire to one day work for the St. Louis Cardinals (will I ever not feel funny saying that?).  Through prayer and seeking godly wisdom I decided to stay in Branson another year and start doing what I could to pursue a job with the Cardinals from here.  So that's what I've been doing the past few months.  If I'm being completely honest, the whole idea still seems far fetched to me.  That is where faith and trusting God come in...

I've been continually reminded of the study of Abraham we did at the Kanakuk Institute my first semester there.  I've always admired Abraham's faith in that when God told him to leave his home, he did, no questions asked.  If God asks me to do the tiniest thing, I have a million questions that I want answered before I am willing to do what He asked of me.  One day during our study though, Karen Chancey made the comment that she wasn't sure had Abraham known everything that He was going to go through that he would have gone so willingly.  And I look back on my life and that's me.  As much as I love having a plan and knowing what's going to happen, had I known that at the age of 25 I would be single, living in Branson, and 4 years removed from college and still not really knowing what I wanted to do with my life, I'm not sure I would have followed some of the things God asked me to do.  I can look back on my life though and see how God has used each of those moments to grow me and for that I am thankful.

So here I am, once again, questioning the Lord if He really wants me to leave this place I now call home and move back to a place where I have minimal community and pursue a job that seems so far fetched.  I'll be honest, at first the journey was really exciting.  I could see the way the Lord was working and the doors He was opening, but the minute I hit a bump in the road just over a week ago, I started questioning whether or not this really was what He wanted from me.  Then God worked it that Pastor Sam preached on Sunday and I knew the Lord was speaking to me through Pastor Sam.  He preached on the calling of the disciples and how in the Matthew account, the disciples go without question immediately when Jesus calls them and that's how some of us are.  God has given some of us the gift of faith that we immediately go when called and praise the Lord for those people.  I'm not one of them though, which is where the Luke account comes in.  In Luke, the account goes into more detail and the disciples first hear the truth that Jesus spoke, then they were obedient when Jesus told them to cast their nets even though it didn't make sense, then they saw the immediate blessing, and then when Jesus told them to follow Him, they left their boats and nets and even the blessing of fish that Jesus had just given them and went and followed Him.  Sometimes the Lord asks us to do things that don't make sense, but He always blesses our obedience, even if we don't always see it at first.  So that's where I am right now, trying to be obedient to what the Lord has asked me to do, even it doesn't make sense to me at the moment.  But praise God that even when I waiver in my faith and even when I believe the lies of the devil over His truth, He is still God and He is still on the throne, loving me and working all things for my good (Rom. 8:28).

Another little known fact about me is that God tends to speak to me through songs, which is funny because I have no musical abilities whatsoever.  So I'll leave you with a couple of songs.  This is the one that describes my feelings at the moment:

And these are the ones that I've been clinging to as my prayers during this time:

Judgment vs Mercy: The signing of Jhonny Peralta story

The more I learn about myself, the more I realize that the Lord really did create me uniquely and by uniquely, I mean WEIRD.  I'm not doubting that God knew what He was doing when He made me, but it doesn't change the fact that when you break down my personality and my gifting, they don't always go together.  Exhibit A: I have the spiritual gift of showing mercy but I can be one of the most judgmental people I know.  Let me explain a little bit, I'm my own worst critic so I judge myself harshly, if I judge anyone else, I'm without question judging myself more.  I hate when I screw up in any way, but I especially hate my sin.  What it took me a long time to realize though is that when I don't forgive myself for my past sins, I can't experience the freedom that Christ has given me from those sins.  I also tend to be harsh on my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.  We are called to be set apart so when we sin and behave as the world does, what is setting us apart?  But here's where my showing mercy kicks in, if someone repents and apologizes for their mistakes, I'm the first person to welcome them back with open arms.  Also, when a non-believer is living for themselves or doing anything that contradicts the way I believe a life should be lived because of what I know to be Truth, my heart is sad for them, but I can't judge them in any way.  I fully understand that we can't hold non-believers to the same standards that we hold believers to so why would they deserve any judgment from us?  With that being said, I'm a firm believer that we should walk alongside them and speak Truth into their lives so that they can experience the same freedom that we as believers have experienced through the act of Christ on the cross.  I think where I struggle the most, is that that's what I should be doing for fellow believers when they aren't living in a way that pleases the Lord, walking alongside them in love and speaking Truth into their lives.  The last thing they need is for me to be judging them, but not passing judgment on them doesn't mean that I let them continue in their sin without doing anything.

This whole conversation and inner dialogue came when the St. Louis Cardinals (my favorite and arguably the best organization in baseball) signed Jhonny Peralta.  For those of you who don't know Peralta (as I will now refer to him because I know otherwise I will misspell JHOnny at some point - who wouldn't?) was suspended for 50 games last season when he tested positive for PED's.  I'm a huge advocate that one of the reasons that the Cardinals are the best organization is because they not only value talent, but they value character.  I am a huge integrity person, so for the Cardinals to sign someone whose integrity has been brought into question was a huge pill for me to swallow.  Then the Lord started working on my heart.  He showed me that once again I was being quick to judge instead of quick to show mercy.

First of all, it is easy to put professional athletes on a pedestal and expect them to live this perfect life and when they fall short to quickly push them off that pedestal.  Their lives are in the spotlight and they are supposed to be good examples for our kids, but in all actuality, they are normal people whose lives are more publicly seen but just as capable of making mistakes as the rest of us.  Then I started to think about Peralta himself.  I have no idea if Peralta has a relationship with Christ or not, but in all actuality what does it matter?  I know I talked earlier about how Christians are supposed to be set apart, but that doesn't mean that Christians don't fail.  If Peralta isn't a Christian, honestly, why would he not cheat and used PEDs?  Sure using them is against the rules, but if you don't believe you have to eternally answer for it and you can see the immediate reward, what is stopping you?  If he is a believer, there is a huge reason not to cheat and use them, but then I think of myself.  I've cheated.  I'm a cheater.  I've cheated in school and I've cheated in playing games with friends.  Is it on the same scale as cheating in professional sports, maybe not, but in God's eyes it is.  God's punishment for those who cheat on any level is the same.  But good news for us, He also offers us all the same free gift, forgiveness which then gives us eternal life.  When Jesus Christ came to die on the cross, He didn't die for just a couple of us, He died for us all.  If we accept Jesus as our Savior and make Him Lord of our lives, then He forgives and we can experience freedom from the sin that plagues this earth.  Will we still make mistakes?  Yes.  But we can take comfort in knowing that we are forgiven and that when we have a relationship with Christ, we are also given a Helper, that is the Holy Spirit who gives us power to do the right thing.  One thing we do need to realize though is that even though we can be forgiven we have to face the consequences of our wrong choices.

Ok, back to Peralta.  He cheated.  I get that.  But he also has paid the consequence for it.  He admitted he was wrong and he sat out his 50 game suspension.  He now has every right to play the game with whichever team he pleases (and of course whichever team wants him to play for them) at whatever salary they agree upon.  We could get into the argument that a 50 game suspension isn't enough of a punishment (with which argument I fully agree!), but is it Peralta's fault that the punishment is only 50 games?  No, it's MLB's fault so take it up with them and leave Peralta out of it.  Since I'm a Cardinals fan, I obviously want to see Peralta kick some butt over the next 4 seasons but more importantly I want him to do it cleanly.  I'm tired of hearing all of the backlash about this signing though, both for him and for the Cardinals.  A mistake was made, he paid the consequence, now let's move on.  Because that's exactly what God does for us, when we make mistakes all we have to do is recognize we are screwed without the sacrifice of Jesus, ask for forgiveness, and then God promises that our sins are as far away as the east is from the west.  Praise God for loving us enough to send His Son to die in our place so that we can be forgiven and live eternally with Him one day!

Singleness

Guys, we're getting real on the blog today.  Singleness is not a topic I generally like to talk about because I'm so far from having the answers to so many of the questions that come along with it, but we're going with it.  I was on my way home from the grocery store today and was flipping through the radio stations when I heard a lady talking about singleness, I quickly flipped to a different station b/c I'm so over the normal cliches that come with that discussion, but after flipping through other stations, I just felt like I needed to go back and listen and I was blessed with a completely blunt and honest conversation about the struggles of singleness.

Most people that know me, know that ever since I was a little girl, all I've ever truly wanted was to be a wife and a mom.  (I went through a phase of wanting to be a WNBA player, but quickly gave that up and good thing too because I turned out to only be 5'3".)  I've had so many dreams for my future and each of those dreams ultimately came back to me being a wife and mom.  I thought for sure that I would get married right out of college (and the only reason I was going to wait that long was because my mom told me that my parents wouldn't pay for a wedding unless I had a college degree) and start having kids a couple years after that.  For awhile in college it looked like that dream was going to come true, but long story short, the Lord taught me a lot about relationships and right before my senior year of college I broke up with my boyfriend of two years.  Here I am almost 4 1/2 years later at the ripe age of 25, childless and as single as can be, I've only dated one guy since my last serious relationship (and we only dated for like a month) and I have zero prospects.  Now I'm not telling you all of this to make you feel sorry for me or because I feel sorry for myself, but just want to be honest about where I'm at.  Oh, and did I mention I live in Branson, MO...  but really, what is my life?  Guys, sometimes I'm great with where the Lord has me.  I have an awesome group of friends here in Branson who have been a major encouragement to me and who make me laugh like none other.  I am part of an amazing church that has blessed my socks off for the past 3 1/2 years and I love the kiddos I get to serve at AWANA on Wednesday night.  I've spent the last 7 summers of my life working at Kanakuk K-7 where I've gotten to love on kampers and staff.  I spent a year attending the Kanakuk Institute where the Lord taught me more that I could ever imagine and worked wonders in my life.  I am a nanny for 2 amazing little girls who continually teach me and bless me beyond my comprehension.  And even through all of these amazing blessings, sometimes it's just really hard to be single.

I know the Lord's plan and timing is perfect, I know that He is using this time in my life to grow me, and I know that this is a precious time of service to Him because I'm not being distracted by a family of my own.  But on the days where I just really want to be married, these truths feel tired more than they feel true.

This brings me to the often well-intentioned, but ultimately unhelpful conversations that I've had with so many people over the years.  I've compiled a short list of things that I as a single person have been told:
           "God just isn't finished with the man He has for you yet."
           "Have you tried on-line dating?"
           "Why don't you go to a church/move somewhere that has more single men your age?"
           "You're so wonderful, I don't know why a guy hasn't swept you off your feet yet!"
           "You should be happy that you can do whatever you want and don't have the distraction of a family."
I realize all these people mean well, but let me be the one to tell you that these things are not helpful when you're in the midst of singleness!  If anything, these things make me feel like something is wrong with me either because I'm still single or because I willingly admit my desire for marriage.  Another thing that isn't helpful is when one of the first questions people ask you after not seeing you for awhile is "So any new boys in your life?" or some variant of such.  Every time you ask that and there isn't, it's like a slap in my face.  If there were and I wanted you to know, I would tell you!  I can only speak for myself in this, but I have a hard enough time guarding my heart mentally, I don't need other people to come along and make dreams for me or make more of something than is actually there.  I feel like girls especially put too much pressure on every seemingly innocent thing (myself included) and we are setting ourselves up for failure.  As sisters in Christ, let's do each other a favor and help guard each other's hearts.  Also, churches with singles ministries which are really just a glorified dating service, NOT HELPING!  I'm not saying that singles ministries in themselves are bad, b/c it is important to be in community with people in the same life stage as you, but let's just be brothers and sisters in Christ instead of potential husbands and wives!

And can we just talk about "The One" for a moment?  I'm a hopeless romantic if there has ever been one.  I bought into this idea of "The One" for a really long time, but do you really thing it exists?  B/c I sure don't.  Sure there are people that you're more compatible with than others, but to say there is only one person in the world that the Lord has for you, I think is a little far fetched.  I also think that sometimes we get so caught up on the idea of "The One", that we miss out on what is right in front of us or we second guess ourselves constantly.

Then there is "The List"...  another thing that I'm sure started with good intentions, but has gotten way out of hand.  I will admit that I do have a list, but you know what my list consists of?  Someone who is actively seeking the Lord, a spirtual leader, a servant's heart, someone of integrity, someone who wants kids, and someone who can make me laugh.  Sure there are other things that would be nice, but those are the things that matter.  The Lord knows what kind of spouse we need way more than we do.  Plus, ultimately marriage isn't about what is good for us.  Marriage is about representing the relationship that Christ has with the Church.  Did Christ have a checklist of qualities that people needed to have in order for Him to die in our place?!  Heck no!  He died for the sins of everyone, He loved us enough to sacrifice Himself in order that we may be forgiven.  That is what marriage should be.  That is ultimately why I want to be married, I want to be an example of Christ's relationship with the Church and the love He showed us.  Sure there is the selfish part of me that wants to be someone's most important person, but ultimately I just want to show people Christ.  I know I need to be faithful where I'm at and show Christ's love no matter what life stage I'm in, but there is nothing that shows that relationship the way that marriage does.

Ultimately I know the truths and the promises that the Lord has given me and I do cling to those, but sometimes being single is just hard.  Praise God, that He is faithful though and continues to teach me that He is enough.  I'm reminded of a post my friend Erin wrote last year about how marriage is a noble desire, but ultimately our desire needs to be the Lord.  So that's where I'm at right now.  Pursuing the Lord with all that I have and knowing that He is enough.  Some days are just easier than others.

Spiritual Disciplines

Spiritual disciplines are something that I don't really feel like we talk about as much as we should or at least don't put enough of an emphasis on them.  If we do talk about spiritual disciplines, it often can begin to look like a check list.  Well the Lord has taught me a lot about spiritual disciplines the past few months so I just wanted to share with you my journey as far as spiritual disciplines go.

I was blessed to have the opportunity to go to a Lutheran school PreK-8th grade.  At the time I might not always have seen it as a blessing, but I've been reminded often of just how big of a blessing it really was for me.  Every Monday morning during roll our teacher would also mark down if we went to church and Sunday school the day before and for me being a bit of a perfectionist when it came to school, I always wanted to be able to say that I had gone to both and thankfully it was a priority for my parents for us to go so I never really thought about it.  We also had religion class once a week, chapel once a week, and had to recite memory verses multiple times throughout the week.  I remember my friends and I complaining about these things often, for me it was just one more thing to check off my to do list, but what I didn't realize is that they were instilling Truth into me that would lay a foundation for me in the years to come.

When I got to high school I switched to the public school and went through a bit of a culture shock.  I was no longer required to spend time studying or memorizing God's Word.  I still went to Sunday school, church, and youth group every week and it truly was important to me.  I have been a Christian for practically my entire life, but it was in JR high that I truly started to understand what it meant to have an actual relationship with God.  So for me going to church was about getting to know my Lord, Savior, and Friend better.  I truly enjoyed it and the friendships that I formed through the people at church proved to be extremely valuable to me.  During my high school years I started struggling with depression and I ended up in a really dark place.  It was during that time that I fell in love with God's Word.  When I had nowhere else to turn, I turned to the Bible and the promises God gives us.  I started spending time reading the Bible every day and journaling and eventually the Lord led me out of my depression.  I continued to spend time in His Word daily and I prayed every night before bed and I honestly thought that that was enough.  I thought I was doing good because I was doing more than most of the other people in youth group, but the problem was that I was comparing myself to what others were doing and not to the example that Christ gave us.

I was still living like that when I went to college.  This was the first time that I didn't have a church home and I struggled with finding my place and some good community.  I will admit that this was a constant struggle for me throughout my time in college.  I still tried to spend time reading the Bible every day, but it was happening less and less and I hated going to church by myself so I started going to church less and less.  One of the greatest blessings that happened to me while I was in college (and turns out would be for years to come) was when I got hired to work at Kanakuk K-7 the summer after my freshman year of college.  The Lord used that as a wake up call in my life, that I needed to draw close to Him once more.  K-7 was the first time I had ever been discipled by someone and I was so blessed to have Cat Hampsch be that person for me.  She has been invaluable to me through the past 7 years.  It was also through working at Kanakuk that I learned about K-Life and then got plugged in there for my last three years of college.  I helped at Little K twice a month and got involved in a girls leaders Bible study once a week.  Learning in a community with other girls was a huge blessing to me in those three years.  These Bible studies were led by the K-Life's women's director who had just graduated from the Kanakuk Institute.  I had heard about KI through my time at kamp (b/c almost all the leadership at K7 is involved with KI), but getting to walk alongside someone who had done it and learn from her made me so interested in going and just spending some time studying the Word.  Also during my time at K7 I was reminded of the importance of memorizing Scripture but it wasn't something that translated well from summer to the school year.  Prayer is another thing that was stressed a lot during my time at K7 and where I truly got to see the power of prayer at work.

After graduating from college I did indeed end up going to KI and it was here that I truly started to learn the importance of spiritual disciplines.  Not only was I immersed in the study of God's Word, but I was once again memorizing Scripture, I was being discipled, but beyond that it was the first time that I have ever had an accountability partner.  I was blessed to have a girl named Asha as my AP.  Now you would have struggled to find two people less alike at KI than Asha and I, but that was a huge blessing because I got to see things from a different perspective and grow in areas that I was weak but Asha was strong.  Not only did I have accountability for the first time, but it was one of the first times that I started taking on a teaching role.  I had the opportunity to teach through doing Student Speakers at KI and through teaching Kid's World (children's church) once or twice a month.  I was spending time in solitary prayer and study and also communal prayer and study.  The year I spent at KI was truly the best year of my life so far.  It was a place that the Lord used to break me of myself and grow me more into His image.

This summer though was when the Lord really smacked me in the face about spiritual disciplines.  I had been in a bit of a dry spell before I got to kamp this summer and knew that the Lord was going to have to do a work in me if I was going to used for His glory and in pouring out to kampers and staff alike.  He gave me Megan.  All of the leadership team this summer had accountability partners and I was blessed beyond all measure to have Megan as mine.  This girl is on fire for the Lord and so passionate about people and discipleship.  I told her going into the summer that I needed to work on my spiritual disciplines and she walked alongside me the entire way and gave me some great insight.  Not only did I have accountability in my life again, but I was spending quality time in God's Word, I was memorizing a new verse every week, I had a time of confession with Megan each week, and I started a prayer journal which has revolutionized my prayer life.  I was also getting to lead a Bible Study for the babysitters and photographer and videographer and getting to spend time with those girls as well as getting a couple of opportunities to teach the kampers and even an opportunity to teach our girls leadership team one week.  This summer is also the first time I had ever fasted.  I honestly wasn't sure I could/wanted to, but I was convicted to do it so I did.  That extra time that I got to spend with the Lord during that time was so precious and I loved watching the Lord bless that obedience.  Now this summer was great, but I won't lie, it was HARD!  There were plenty of days where I felt defeated and worn out and like I had nothing left to give, but the beauty of the Lord teaching me about spiritual disciplines this summer is that I was able to use those to get up and fight daily.

Today in church we talked about Jesus' baptism and when He was tempted in the desert found in Matthew 3:13-4:11.  First we see the example of Christ in baptism and how through John's baptizing of Christ, He was giving approval of John's baptism of repentance.  We then see the Spirit lead Jesus in the desert to be tempted by Satan.  First of all, how could the Spirit have led Jesus unless Jesus knew the voice to which He should be listening?  We also see Jesus fasting in solitude.  It was during this time that Satan came and tempted Jesus.  Satan is great at taking Truth and twisting it to say what he wants it to say and that's exactly what we see him do here with Jesus.  But Jesus recognizes this twisting of the Truth (because He knows the Truth) and is then able to respond back to Satan with actual Truth.  Jesus didn't pull out a scroll and say, "Now I know there is a verse about that in here somewhere...", no, He had it memorized and was able to fight back with it.  What an example for us!  Not only should we know Truth (through studying and memorizing) to recognize when someone is twisting the Truth, but we should be able to respond back with Truth.  Practicing spiritual disciplines is not about checking off a to do list, it is about preparing for battle with our enemy.  Are you prepared for that battle?  The time to practice these is not while the battle is raging, but before the battle occurs.  So I challenge you, if you aren't already, put these disciplines into practice and be prepared for when the battle comes!