Singleness

Guys, we're getting real on the blog today.  Singleness is not a topic I generally like to talk about because I'm so far from having the answers to so many of the questions that come along with it, but we're going with it.  I was on my way home from the grocery store today and was flipping through the radio stations when I heard a lady talking about singleness, I quickly flipped to a different station b/c I'm so over the normal cliches that come with that discussion, but after flipping through other stations, I just felt like I needed to go back and listen and I was blessed with a completely blunt and honest conversation about the struggles of singleness.

Most people that know me, know that ever since I was a little girl, all I've ever truly wanted was to be a wife and a mom.  (I went through a phase of wanting to be a WNBA player, but quickly gave that up and good thing too because I turned out to only be 5'3".)  I've had so many dreams for my future and each of those dreams ultimately came back to me being a wife and mom.  I thought for sure that I would get married right out of college (and the only reason I was going to wait that long was because my mom told me that my parents wouldn't pay for a wedding unless I had a college degree) and start having kids a couple years after that.  For awhile in college it looked like that dream was going to come true, but long story short, the Lord taught me a lot about relationships and right before my senior year of college I broke up with my boyfriend of two years.  Here I am almost 4 1/2 years later at the ripe age of 25, childless and as single as can be, I've only dated one guy since my last serious relationship (and we only dated for like a month) and I have zero prospects.  Now I'm not telling you all of this to make you feel sorry for me or because I feel sorry for myself, but just want to be honest about where I'm at.  Oh, and did I mention I live in Branson, MO...  but really, what is my life?  Guys, sometimes I'm great with where the Lord has me.  I have an awesome group of friends here in Branson who have been a major encouragement to me and who make me laugh like none other.  I am part of an amazing church that has blessed my socks off for the past 3 1/2 years and I love the kiddos I get to serve at AWANA on Wednesday night.  I've spent the last 7 summers of my life working at Kanakuk K-7 where I've gotten to love on kampers and staff.  I spent a year attending the Kanakuk Institute where the Lord taught me more that I could ever imagine and worked wonders in my life.  I am a nanny for 2 amazing little girls who continually teach me and bless me beyond my comprehension.  And even through all of these amazing blessings, sometimes it's just really hard to be single.

I know the Lord's plan and timing is perfect, I know that He is using this time in my life to grow me, and I know that this is a precious time of service to Him because I'm not being distracted by a family of my own.  But on the days where I just really want to be married, these truths feel tired more than they feel true.

This brings me to the often well-intentioned, but ultimately unhelpful conversations that I've had with so many people over the years.  I've compiled a short list of things that I as a single person have been told:
           "God just isn't finished with the man He has for you yet."
           "Have you tried on-line dating?"
           "Why don't you go to a church/move somewhere that has more single men your age?"
           "You're so wonderful, I don't know why a guy hasn't swept you off your feet yet!"
           "You should be happy that you can do whatever you want and don't have the distraction of a family."
I realize all these people mean well, but let me be the one to tell you that these things are not helpful when you're in the midst of singleness!  If anything, these things make me feel like something is wrong with me either because I'm still single or because I willingly admit my desire for marriage.  Another thing that isn't helpful is when one of the first questions people ask you after not seeing you for awhile is "So any new boys in your life?" or some variant of such.  Every time you ask that and there isn't, it's like a slap in my face.  If there were and I wanted you to know, I would tell you!  I can only speak for myself in this, but I have a hard enough time guarding my heart mentally, I don't need other people to come along and make dreams for me or make more of something than is actually there.  I feel like girls especially put too much pressure on every seemingly innocent thing (myself included) and we are setting ourselves up for failure.  As sisters in Christ, let's do each other a favor and help guard each other's hearts.  Also, churches with singles ministries which are really just a glorified dating service, NOT HELPING!  I'm not saying that singles ministries in themselves are bad, b/c it is important to be in community with people in the same life stage as you, but let's just be brothers and sisters in Christ instead of potential husbands and wives!

And can we just talk about "The One" for a moment?  I'm a hopeless romantic if there has ever been one.  I bought into this idea of "The One" for a really long time, but do you really thing it exists?  B/c I sure don't.  Sure there are people that you're more compatible with than others, but to say there is only one person in the world that the Lord has for you, I think is a little far fetched.  I also think that sometimes we get so caught up on the idea of "The One", that we miss out on what is right in front of us or we second guess ourselves constantly.

Then there is "The List"...  another thing that I'm sure started with good intentions, but has gotten way out of hand.  I will admit that I do have a list, but you know what my list consists of?  Someone who is actively seeking the Lord, a spirtual leader, a servant's heart, someone of integrity, someone who wants kids, and someone who can make me laugh.  Sure there are other things that would be nice, but those are the things that matter.  The Lord knows what kind of spouse we need way more than we do.  Plus, ultimately marriage isn't about what is good for us.  Marriage is about representing the relationship that Christ has with the Church.  Did Christ have a checklist of qualities that people needed to have in order for Him to die in our place?!  Heck no!  He died for the sins of everyone, He loved us enough to sacrifice Himself in order that we may be forgiven.  That is what marriage should be.  That is ultimately why I want to be married, I want to be an example of Christ's relationship with the Church and the love He showed us.  Sure there is the selfish part of me that wants to be someone's most important person, but ultimately I just want to show people Christ.  I know I need to be faithful where I'm at and show Christ's love no matter what life stage I'm in, but there is nothing that shows that relationship the way that marriage does.

Ultimately I know the truths and the promises that the Lord has given me and I do cling to those, but sometimes being single is just hard.  Praise God, that He is faithful though and continues to teach me that He is enough.  I'm reminded of a post my friend Erin wrote last year about how marriage is a noble desire, but ultimately our desire needs to be the Lord.  So that's where I'm at right now.  Pursuing the Lord with all that I have and knowing that He is enough.  Some days are just easier than others.