Change

If you know anything about me, you probably know that I hate change.  I like order and structure and having a routine because if I’m honest with myself, it makes me feel safe.  I like knowing what to expect, because I’m a worrier.  Well change seems to be the theme of being back in Branson.  I knew that things would be different, but it doesn’t necessarily make it any easier.  Two of my fellow interns and dear friends are not coming back this semester.  While I’m so excited to see where God takes each of them and to see what He’s going to do through them, I hate that they’re not here.  I miss them immensely.  Branson just isn’t the same without them. 

I’m also starting to realize that I have absolutely no idea what I will be doing come mid-August, nor do I have any idea what I even want to be doing.  I think I would be ok if I at least had an idea of what I want to do, but honestly, when people ask me what I’m thinking for next year, my mind draws a blank.  I know that I want to serve God and glorify Him and to be faithful where I’m at, but as far as what I’ll be doing for a job as I do that, no stinkin’ clue.  At first it was slightly exhilarating, having nothing tying me down, and having a blank canvas, but now, as it usually does, that blank page is freaking me out.  I think it’s because part of me is saying that I need to start figuring out what I’m going to be doing, but the other part of me is thinking what is the point if I am committed through mid-August. 

There is a ton of other stuff running through my head at this point, but I’ll spare you.  But one thing that I want to stress through this change and uncertainty is that God is good and He will never change.  I am taking heart in the fact that God knows my future.  He has a plan that is so much greater than I could ever imagine and His timing is perfect.  While yes, in some ways I wish I knew what the future was going to look like, I know that He is in control.  Right now I’m reminded of something that we talked about last year during our Abraham Precept study.  We talked about how so often we want to know what’s ahead of us, what’s in store for us, but if Abraham had known everything that he was going to go through, do you think he would have gone as willingly as he did?  I’m not sure he would have, just like I’m not sure I would want to, but I do know that God wants what is best for me and so I trust Him with my entire being.  Is it scary?  Yes.  Is it worth it?  Definitely.