Convictions

This past week was hard, plain and simple.  I have what I call my “flesh” days and by that I mean, the days where my flesh seems to be winning over my spirit.  Well, let’s just say that I had a number of those this week.  I’ve been struggling a lot with figuring out what comes after August, as I talked about in my last post, I hate the unknown, and that has been rearing its ugly head this week.  I’ve also been struggling with jealousy.  I know it’s stupid and I hate it, but it’s there.  There are times when something good happens to a friend and I’m genuinely happy for them, but in the back of my mind I’m going, “Ok God, when is it my turn?”  The last thing I’ve been really struggling with is the fact that I have these God given desires and yet it seems that God is never going to fulfill those desires.  I know that God gives those who delight in Him the desires of their hearts (Psalm 37:4), but it’s that waiting game which is so hard for me.  I know God’s timing is perfect and I know He has great plans for me (Jeremiah 29:11), but sometimes it’s just hard for me to trust Him even though I can look back on my life and see how God has worked all things for good (Romans 8:28).  I know all these things and I truly do believe them wholeheartedly, but as I said before, sometimes my flesh just seems to win.  Today at church we talked about 1 John 2:15-16 which says, “Do not love the world nor the things in the world.  If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.  For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world.”  I was so convicted of how I’ve put the lust of the flesh and eyes and the boastful pride of life, which are of the world, above God and the things that He wants for me.  I let my flesh (the things of the world) become more important than God.  It is because of those times that my flesh seems to be winning that I am so thankful for God’s promises such as the one found in Lamentations 2:22-23 “The Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness,” and Ephesians 4:22-24 where it talks about how we are to lay aside the old self and put on the new self “which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth.”  Yes, I am a sinner in need of God’s grace, just like everyone else.  I think I sometimes forget that.  I get so frustrated with myself when I sin, and yes, I should hate my sin, but how prideful of me to think that I won’t sin.  So let me say it again, I am a sinner in need of God’s grace.  So there will be times when my flesh wins out, but let us all take heart in the fact that Jesus’ blood covers it all, and we are made new.  As I type this I look at my ring that I got in Israel; engraved in Hebrew are the words “new creation”.  I got “new creation” engraved on my ring to remind me of 2 Corinthians 5:17 which states, “Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.”  I am in Christ, therefore I am a new creation.  I am not the same person that I used to be.  The sanctification process is hard, but it is a beautiful thing. 

Despite this being a hard week for me, God did some pretty cool things.  First of all, Wednesday morning Ansley Ruth Hampsch was born.  I’m so beyond excited for Chad and Cat; they are seriously some of the best parents I know.  I got to go over to their house Friday afternoon after Cat and Ansley got back from the hospital which was so great.  I got to spend quality time with now three of my favorite kiddos.  Ansley was sleeping when I got there so I got to play with Mylee until she went to basketball, then I got to hold Ansley, and then I got to play with Isaac.  I also got to stay for dinner which is always such a blessing.  Not only was it fun to get to see Cat and the kids, but Chad’s parents were in town and I just adore them and Cat’s mom was also in town and it was such a treat to spend time with all of them.  Also, Wednesday night when I got to AWANA, one of my girls told me about how she told a girl at school about Jesus and that girl accepted Christ!  Humbled by the way a 4^th grader (plus so many of the other kids) so willingly and boldly shares their faith.  Today when I was talking to her she was telling me about how she was going to invite the girl who accepted Christ to AWANA this week.  I know sometimes I complain and sometimes it’s hard, but I truly am blessed by my community here in Branson.