Have you ever heard or repeated a phrase so often, you just
assume that you believe it? Or maybe you
repeat it because you so desperately want it to be true but aren’t really sure
that it is? This past fall/winter I had
one of those moments. Something that I
and others in the church have thrown around so nonchalantly, hit me like a ton
of bricks. “God is good.” I was working through a Bible study and this
particular day it was talking about God’s goodness. And then it hit me. I have zero doubts that God is good, I see it
in the lives of those around me all the time.
I do doubt though, that God is good to me. Honestly, it’s something I’ve been struggling
through with God since He revealed to me that I believed that lie.
Why do I doubt His goodness towards me? I can sit here and name good things that God
has done for me, but in this recent season it’s a lot harder for me to
pinpoint. And if we’re being real, I
think it’s a mixture of unmet expectations in my own life and seeing good
things happen to those around me. I hate
to admit it, but every time a friend gets married or has a baby or has an
exciting new job opportunity, etc. while I rejoice with them and I am genuinely
so happy for them, there’s a part of me that asks God, “When is it going to
happen for me?”
It’s so easy for us to compare our lives to other people’s,
especially with social media these days.
Here’s the thing about God though, I know He’s good, because He doesn’t
leave me to believe the lies. I’m
finishing up “The Quest” by Beth Moore, and on one of the last days, she had us
look at John 21. A little back story,
after Jesus was resurrected, He met His disciples on the shore after they had
spent the night fishing to no avail, Jesus tells them to put their net on the
right side of the boat and they end up catching a ton. Jesus then has breakfast waiting for them
when they get to shore and He asks Peter three times if Peter loves Him and
when Peter says yes, Jesus tells him to tend to His sheep. That’s normally where my learning of the
story stops, but if you keep going verses 19-22 say, “…And when He had spoken
this, He said to him (Peter), ‘Follow Me!’
Peter, turning around, saw the disciple whom Jesus loved following them…
So Peter seeing him said to Jesus, ‘Lord, and what about this man?’ Jesus said to him, ‘If I want him to remain
until I come, what is that to you? You
follow Me!’” And isn’t that just like
us, God gives us a command and we turn around and ask, “But what about that
guy?” I love Jesus’ response though; I
feel like He’s basically saying, “Who cares?
Just do what I tell you!”
So after reading this, Beth had us add our own “what about”
and “why” questions. And let me tell
you, I could have gone on for awhile, but as I was writing my second one, I
heard God speak to me. Now I’m not
someone who hears God speak to me very often; I can probably count on one hand
the number of times it’s happened, but speak to me He did. I was in the middle of writing my second
“Why?” to God and He said, “Just because I’m good to someone else, doesn’t mean
that I’m not good to you.” Whoa. Ok, God, I get it. I stopped writing all the other questions I
had, because that was all the answer I needed.
All that being said, how do we combat believing that God is
good to others but not good to us? Cue
the part where God gives me a song that speaks straight to my soul. This particular time it was Rend Collective’s
“Counting Every Blessing”. If you
haven’t heard their new album, I highly suggest you give it a listen. Anyway, the chorus goes, “I am counting every
blessing, counting every blessing.
Letting go and trusting when I cannot see. I am counting every blessing, counting every
blessing. Surely every season You are
good to me.” I don’t deserve anything
from God, yet He bestows grace and mercy on me every single day. Even if He had done nothing other than send
His Son, Jesus, to die for our sins and be raised to new life; that would have
been enough. I can’t promise you that
God will give you everything that you want, but I can promise you that He will
give you everything that you need (hint: He’s all you need) and that His ways
are better than our own (Isaiah 55:8-9).
The Lord has been so sweet to me that in this season of questioning, He
continues to reveal Himself to me and draw me to Himself. He’s told me “no” a lot in this past year,
but He’s also pursued my heart in ways that I’ve never experienced before and I
wouldn’t trade that for the world.
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