Fighting the Lies

Have you ever heard or repeated a phrase so often, you just assume that you believe it?  Or maybe you repeat it because you so desperately want it to be true but aren’t really sure that it is?  This past fall/winter I had one of those moments.  Something that I and others in the church have thrown around so nonchalantly, hit me like a ton of bricks.  “God is good.”  I was working through a Bible study and this particular day it was talking about God’s goodness.  And then it hit me.  I have zero doubts that God is good, I see it in the lives of those around me all the time.  I do doubt though, that God is good to me.  Honestly, it’s something I’ve been struggling through with God since He revealed to me that I believed that lie. 

Why do I doubt His goodness towards me?  I can sit here and name good things that God has done for me, but in this recent season it’s a lot harder for me to pinpoint.  And if we’re being real, I think it’s a mixture of unmet expectations in my own life and seeing good things happen to those around me.  I hate to admit it, but every time a friend gets married or has a baby or has an exciting new job opportunity, etc. while I rejoice with them and I am genuinely so happy for them, there’s a part of me that asks God, “When is it going to happen for me?” 

It’s so easy for us to compare our lives to other people’s, especially with social media these days.  Here’s the thing about God though, I know He’s good, because He doesn’t leave me to believe the lies.  I’m finishing up “The Quest” by Beth Moore, and on one of the last days, she had us look at John 21.  A little back story, after Jesus was resurrected, He met His disciples on the shore after they had spent the night fishing to no avail, Jesus tells them to put their net on the right side of the boat and they end up catching a ton.  Jesus then has breakfast waiting for them when they get to shore and He asks Peter three times if Peter loves Him and when Peter says yes, Jesus tells him to tend to His sheep.  That’s normally where my learning of the story stops, but if you keep going verses 19-22 say, “…And when He had spoken this, He said to him (Peter), ‘Follow Me!’  Peter, turning around, saw the disciple whom Jesus loved following them… So Peter seeing him said to Jesus, ‘Lord, and what about this man?’  Jesus said to him, ‘If I want him to remain until I come, what is that to you?  You follow Me!’”  And isn’t that just like us, God gives us a command and we turn around and ask, “But what about that guy?”  I love Jesus’ response though; I feel like He’s basically saying, “Who cares?  Just do what I tell you!”

 

So after reading this, Beth had us add our own “what about” and “why” questions.  And let me tell you, I could have gone on for awhile, but as I was writing my second one, I heard God speak to me.  Now I’m not someone who hears God speak to me very often; I can probably count on one hand the number of times it’s happened, but speak to me He did.  I was in the middle of writing my second “Why?” to God and He said, “Just because I’m good to someone else, doesn’t mean that I’m not good to you.”  Whoa.  Ok, God, I get it.  I stopped writing all the other questions I had, because that was all the answer I needed. 

All that being said, how do we combat believing that God is good to others but not good to us?  Cue the part where God gives me a song that speaks straight to my soul.  This particular time it was Rend Collective’s “Counting Every Blessing”.  If you haven’t heard their new album, I highly suggest you give it a listen.  Anyway, the chorus goes, “I am counting every blessing, counting every blessing.  Letting go and trusting when I cannot see.  I am counting every blessing, counting every blessing.  Surely every season You are good to me.”  I don’t deserve anything from God, yet He bestows grace and mercy on me every single day.  Even if He had done nothing other than send His Son, Jesus, to die for our sins and be raised to new life; that would have been enough.  I can’t promise you that God will give you everything that you want, but I can promise you that He will give you everything that you need (hint: He’s all you need) and that His ways are better than our own (Isaiah 55:8-9).  The Lord has been so sweet to me that in this season of questioning, He continues to reveal Himself to me and draw me to Himself.  He’s told me “no” a lot in this past year, but He’s also pursued my heart in ways that I’ve never experienced before and I wouldn’t trade that for the world.

I’ll leave you with a mantra of sorts from Lysa TerKeurst:  “God is good.  God is good to me.  God is good at being God.”

And so it continues

Well, obviously I haven’t gotten any better at this blogging thing, in fact I think it’s safe to say that I’ve gotten much worse at it.  Something I’ve known about myself for awhile now but am continually reminded of and trying to get better at is the way I always have great intentions of doing something, but I’m terrible with follow through.  This is something that I can only get better at one thing at a time, so here I am updating my blog for the first time in about 3 months.  So much has happened since my last blog that I can’t even begin to go back and recount it all, but would still love to give you an update on what is happening in my life and the things that God is teaching me. 

I’m on my fourth month of my internship with the Kanakuk Institute.  It is crazy to think that in 1 week I will be heading home for a couple weeks off for Christmas break.  I cannot believe that the first semester is really coming to an end.  It’s been so cool to get to know some of the students and continue relationships with others.  It’s also been really cool to see how this class challenges me through their actions.  My internship is going well, I love that I get to serve the Institute and that I get to work alongside such awesome people.  I love that I get to continue going to family dinner at the Hampsch’s every Thursday night.  Something new that I’ve been doing is that I’m in a volleyball league at the RecPlex on Thursday nights.  It’s been really fun getting to be out there playing a game that I love (even if I’m not the best at it).  Next week is the tournament and then the volleyball season will come to a close.  I have also loved getting to continue serving at FBC Forsyth.  I absolutely adore my AWANA girls and am challenged by the way they are memorizing the Word.  I’m also challenged by the kids at Kid’s World on Sunday mornings while this month they are learning how to share the Gospel and then taking it to their schools.  Some of these kids have no fear and then there are others who are terrified, but they are still willing to do what God has called each and every one of us to do, share Him with those who don’t know Him.  Another fun(ny) thing that I’m getting to do at church is that me and the other two children’s interns are helping the kids with their Christmas concert at church and by helping I mean that we are in charge of them.  They’re just singing a couple songs with the adult choir so it isn’t too hard, just an adventure for sure.  It’s always an adventure when God takes you out of your comfort zone.

One thing I’ve realized lately is that I’m so far from being content.  Now let me try to explain without going into too much detail.  I’m learning/reaffirming things in my life this year and just different desires that God has given me, but yet I’m no closer to having those desires met so I’m struggling to figure out what that means for being faithful where I’m at and also for the unknown that is my future come April.  My life is so far from where I thought it would be and honestly sometimes I struggle with that.  But let me tell you, God is good and boy does He convict when necessary!  Today I was reading in my little devotional, Grace for the Moment, that my dear friend Xuan gave me over the summer and boy was I convicted.  This is what I read for December 9^th (yes, I realize today is the 10^th but I was a day behind, which I now realize was a good thing because I think I needed yesterday to realize just how much I was not content):  Philippians 4:11 “I have learned to be satisfied with the things I have and with everything that happens.”  “Test this question:  What if God’s only gift to you were His grace to save you.  Would you be content?  You beg Him to save the life of your child.  You plead with Him to keep your business afloat.  You implore Him to remove the cancer from your body.  What if His answer is, ‘My grace is enough.’  Would you be content?  You see, from heaven’s perspective, grace is enough.  If God did nothing more that save us from eternal life, dare we grumble at an aching body?  Having been given heavenly riches, dare we bemoan earthly poverty?...   If you have eyes to read these words, hands to hold this book, the means to own this volume, He has already given you grace upon grace.”  All I can say is, “Wow!”  What a punch in the gut, but exactly what I needed, because honestly, I can’t say that I’m content with just my eternal salvation, but let me tell you that I’m going to be working on that, because let’s be honest, I don’t even deserve that!  But even after that God wasn’t done with me.  I opened my Bible to Psalm 73 and believe me when I say I was convicted from the beginning but especially when I got to verses 25-28.  This is what it reads, “Whom have I in heave but You?  And besides You, I desire nothing on earth.  My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.  For, behold, those who are far from You will perish; You have destroyed all those who are unfaithful to You.  But as for me, the nearness of God is my good; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all Your works.”  Wow!  “Whom have I in heaven but You?  And besides You, I desire nothing on earth.”  Man I wish I could truly say that!  I know that it is true, but it’s one of those things that is so hard to put into action.  I pray that I will remember that God is more than enough for me and that I am nothing and having nothing apart from Him.  Thank you God, that Your word is sharper than any two-edged sword (Hebrews 4:12).

So there you have it, a little life update and what God is teaching me.  I love that there is always more to learn and that I can always grow.  Please be praying that I will learn to be content in God alone and remember that He is all that I need.  Pray for the Christmas concert at FBC Forsyth tonight and tomorrow and for the Kid’s World kiddos as they tell their friends about God.  Please also be praying for the Institute students; that they would finish this semester out strong and that God will use them in mighty ways, especially as they go their separate ways over Christmas break.  Pray for safe travels as people travel all over for Christmas and that during this Christmas season that God will be glorified and recognized as the “reason for the season” because let’s be honest, He is.